I’m all for sexual abstinence. Not personally, of course. My wife is pregnant as a result of church-sanctioned activities, after all. But the whole abstinence before marriage deal? Very good.
That being said, there are effective and ineffective ways to promote abstinence. Recent studies tend to show that the abstinence pledge is not one of them. In fact, it seems to compound issues. Well, duh. If you want to develop a constructive sexual ethic with teens, you do so within the context of a community where openness and conversation are valued. You don’t outsource the deal to youth pastors who scare the kids, sign them up, slap a ring on them and then send them back to their parents in the hopes that they don’t have sex for the next 51 weeks even though their families and faith community aren’t going to engage them in serious discussion on the topic until next spring.
Nonetheless, abstinence is big business in Christian circles. Rings, cards, videos, shirts. Anything that’s fit to sell.
Including footballs.
I should know. I got one yesterday as a joke from a coworker.
It’s a regulation sized ball from the makers at Wilson. It’s all white, because we are talking about our purity here. And in an ironic twist, this ball that is supposed to help us remember to keep our virginity is…rubber. Yes. White, rubber and strikingly similar in appearance to a certain prophylactic that the ball is meant to remind us we don’t need to use.
The sight of the ball raises numerous questions every time I see it. Like, “Should we play games with it?” It would get dirty really fast, being so shiny white and all. I guess you could get one of those sweet ball cases for it and put it in your room. But that would probably mean you were ashamed of your pledge.
The best use I can think of for this particular ball is humoristic endeavors. I think I’m going to take it to a Chiefs practice and ask players to sign the ball for me without telling them it’s an abstinence ball. I mean, it does look kinda like one of those specialty autograph balls. When they agree, I’ll hand them the sharpie and ask them to sign right on the line. I wonder how long it will take me to find some unsuspecting player to “commit to the most precious gift I can give to my spouse on our wedding date — The Gift of Virginity”. And I wonder if that counts as a binding contract. Because that would really be something.
Renew and Restore
