I have a vague memory of someone posting a question on my facebook wall recently. But I can’t find it on my wall. I can’t remember who posted it. I can’t remember when. I can’t figure out if it was (as) real (as things can be in virtual relationships), or if it was a complete figment of my imagination.
Regardless, I’m going to answer the question. I understand that I am running the risk of talking to the voices in my head should the question turn out to be a figment of my imagination. I’m good with that. I’ll just pretend I have a bluetooth in if anyone calls me out on it.
The question: Was the process of bringing Elli into our family easier or harder than the process of bringing Zachary into our family?
Good question. I’m glad people ask it, as opposed to just assuming the adoption was easier. It wasn’t. And it’s not really that close.
Before you jump me for being an ignorant male, know that Stacy and I just talked about this last week. She came to this conclusion even though she had a very barfy first trimester, even though Zachary kicked a bruise into the insider of her ribs, and even though she hates having to bend over right now.
All of that stuff was bad, but it wasn’t as bad as the wait for Elli. Some of those days were really dark. We questioned God and ourselves during those days more than we ever had before, and more than we have since. We got very sad every time we saw pictures of Elli with her various skin ailments. It killed us to know that she wasn’t getting the attention and love that infants need. And we don’t say that in condemnation of the ladies who worked at the orphanage, it’s just that they had too many kids.
And did I mention that the adoption took 13 months? People are programmed for a 9 month wait, so to stretch it out by about 40% is a huge ask. Then factor in that you spend every day praying that something unforeseen doesn’t happen that would derail the whole deal, and you anxiety level goes through the roof.
As bumpy as pregnancy can be, ours has always felt very certain. We always know where Zachary is. We have a really good idea of how he is doing. We know that if anything goes wrong, we have medical people around who we have a very high level of trust in. And there is a fairly definite end time to the pregnancy. If he isn’t out on his own by this time next month, we’re going in after him. We had none of those luxuries with Elli.
Where things will change is when Stacy actually goes into labor. Those 4 hours (hey, we’re trying to be optimistic here) will be more trying than any stretch of 4 hours we had in our journey to Elli. Coaxing a baby out of a 9cm opening is the only thing in the universe harder than shooting photon torpedoes into that dinky shaft in the Death Star without any help from your targeting computers. At least, that’s what I’ve been led to understand.
Nonetheless, we’re excited. As if you couldn’t tell.
Renew and Restore
