In early July 2006, I got sick. Very sick. The sickest I’ve ever been. If the symptom was listed on a bottle of NyQuil, I had it to the max. It was so bad that I had to back out of a work trip and spend 5 days on the couch. When the 4th of July rolled around, I didn’t even smoke any meat. Proof right there that something was seriously wrong.
There was a blessing to come out of the plague. My time on the couch was well-scheduled in that it afforded me the opportunity to watch a nice chunk of the 2006 World Cup, including what was a very entertaining USA v. Italy matchup. I had always liked and respected soccer, but that tournament helped me fall in love with soccer. Those were the days.
If you wonder why I’m waxing sentimental about those good ol’ days, might I point you to excerpts from my Twitter feed on December 4, 2009.
would love for the US to draw Italy or England. Def. want a piece of those cats. #worldcupdraw
For the record, I love my in-laws. They are the best in-laws a guy could ask for. They have given me the two greatest gifts a man could ever receive: Stacy’s hand in marriage and tickets to Star Wars In Concert. And I love camping with them. It’s very fun.
I. Love. My. In-laws.
That being said, I need to watch that match. Need to watch it live. It’s a matter of patriotism and pride. Yeah, the US is probably going to get waxed in the match. But in the unlikely event that we can earn a draw, or unlikeliest event that we pull out a victory, I need to see it. Did I mention NEED?
I’m confident a solution can be mediated. We are camping close to Wichita, and I plan on submitting an official request for a 4-hour day pass for the day of the match. But in the event my request is denied, I need a backup plan. I’ll be taking it back to 2006 and figuring out a way to get sick. Very, very sick. Desperate times call for desperate measures, which I now present you in the form of this week’s Wednesday Watchlist:
- Kick my clementine orange habit – Every winter, I start pounding those little suckers. 4-5 at a time, a couple of times each day. That much vitamin C has to be turning my immune system into an impenatrable fortress. That’s no good if you are trying to get sick.
- Stop washing my hands, and start eating with my hands – It’s sick. But that’s the point.
- Open my mouth and dive into the blast radius when people sneeze – I might want to invest in some goggles. It gets messy.
- Kiss as many babies as possible – Babies are disgusting. They always have snot and drool on their faces, and they put everything in their mouths. Oh, and they crawl all over the floor. Gotta be a lot of germs for the taking there.
- Lick Stacy’s stethoscope, hospital shoes and white coat every night before bed – Great tactic, as long as she hasn’t delivered any babies that day. I have my limits.
I’ll keep everyone posted during the negotiation process. I hope it doesn’t come down to enacting the above strategies.
Renew and Restore