Posts tagged ‘humor’

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November 4, 2010

song of solomon + greek + intestines = mac daddy

(video props to CQ on Facebook)

This video, in conjunction with a tweet last week from Alicia, has had me reminiscing about the good old days of Greek class.  Lots of good memories there.

My favorite word in Greek class was hands-down “splankna”.  It literally means “bowels” or “intestines”.  Look at me keeping it classy.

But it gets better.

Within the time period and culture that the New Testament was written, the bowels were viewed as the seat of emotions.  We 21st century westerners are totally lame in that we view the seat of emotions as the heart.

*yawn*

Let me just tell you how thrilled I was when I started translating New Testament passages that either used “splankna” or forms of “splankna” that essentially mean “compassion”.  We were really missing out on some Biblical gems with our English translations.

Well, at least you are.  Or you were.  I know I’m not, and neither is my wife.  Because for the last 6 years, I’ve known the secret to romancing her.

I look her in the eyes.

I hold her close.

And I tell her in my best Barry White voice that I love her with all of my intestines.

Makes her melt ever singe time.  And I find that it works even better than the Song of Solomon pickup lines. So now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Renew and Restore

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September 28, 2010

the joke i can’t stop telling

I got jokes, son.  Lots and lots of jokes.

And yet, there is one in particular I can’t stop telling.  I’m straight running that mug into the ground, and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.

My career in comedy started at a very young age. I believe I penned my first knock-knock joke at age 4.

Me: Knock, knock.

Anyone within Earshot: Who’s there.

Me: Luke Skywalker.

Anyone within Earshot: Luke Skywalker, who?

Me: Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Some people develop a comedic knack over time.  I was born with it.

While my comedy is brilliant, it lacks a robust library of jokes.  Currently, there are only two I tell with any regularity*.  But that doesn’t stop me from telling them to anyone within earshot.

Technically, my other joke isn’t really a joke.  Whenever people outside of my office get into a disagreement, I start chanting “fight, fight, fight, fight”.  It doesn’t matter how innocent the disagreement is.  I make quite the peanut gallery.

My current favorite is to attribute rap lyrics to the Bible.  The concept sounds stupid, but it’s comedic gold.  Especially on a conservative Christian college campus in the Midwest.

The best part is that the joke has literally millions of permutations.  The second best part is that it fits well into just about any conversation.  The third best part is that I’m so good at deadpanning after I drop one of these little gems that people have a hard time telling if I’m serious or joking. And people within earshot feign incredulity without realizing I’m joking, well at that point they enter into the joke as the new punchline.

It’s like it says in the Bible…Don’t start no stuff, won’t be no stuff.

It’s like it says in the Bible…You gotta get that dirt off ya shoulder.

It’s like it says in the Bible…You gotta lose yourself in the music. The moment you own it, you gotta never let it go.

It’s like it says in the Bible…Cash rules everything around me. CREAM, get the money.  Dolla dolla bills, y’all.

The benefit of working at a college is that 1/4 of my audience turns over every year.  It keeps things fresh.It’s possible I never stop telling this joke. It’s also possible that we are nearing the point where I’ll be the only one laughing.

I’m cool with that.

Renew and Restore

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May 25, 2010

late wedding gift ideas

I’m absolutely convinced I married the right woman.  She’s perfect for me.

But she’s starting to think we got married about 8 years too soon.

If we would have opted for a longer friendship and a half-decade engagement, we could have registered at Williams-Sonoma.  And that would have been awesome, because Williams Sonoma just released three kitchen products that my wife REALLY wants.

While I get her point that these items are super radical, a lot of great things have happened over the course of the last 8 years.  Experiences, kids, growth, memories.  A lot of great stuff packed into the time since we made our vows on that sweltering August evening.

All of that reminiscing gave me a fantastic idea…Maybe there are some folks out there that would like to celebrate our marriage by giving us a late wedding gift.  Or an 8th anniversary gift if you just can’t stand the thought of being tardy.  Whatever floats your boat.

Being the good husband I am, I went ahead and set up a registry online (event date: August 2010)  so Stacy didn’t have to do it.  I added the three things she really wanted, and that way maybe someone or someones would surprise her with the desires of her heart.  I, for one, would love to see her face light up with joy when she unboxes her very own…

Set of Star Wars Cooke Cutters

Set of Star Wars Pancake Molds

Matching Star Wars Aprons for our kiddos (these can be personallized, btw)

Thanks for celebrating us in a way that will mean a lot to Stacy.  She’s totally worth it :)

Renew and Restore

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May 5, 2010

wednesday watchlist: mother’s day video tributes

The big M Day is on the horizon. I’m all over it this year.  I sent out my cards two days ago so they should hit the West Coast with time to spare.  Here in the Midwest we are halfway through Mother’s Week.  You read that right…WEEK.  Stacy was bummed that she has to work all day Sat and Sun, so I took drastic measures and have been rolling out the presents one day at a time all week.  My apologies to everyone I’m making look bad.  But I’ll do you a favor today.  Below are four videos you can send  to all of the special Mother’s in your life.  Really touching tributes that would bring a tear to any Mother’s eye.

  • Musical Admiration for the helpful Mother: Mom’s have to say a lot of things over the course of a day.  Apparently, it’s possible to SING them all in just over three minutes.
  • Funny Admiration for the Mom with Kids Who Can’t Always Maintain Household Harmony – My mom emailed me this video a few years back, so it has some sentimental value.  It is also the centerpiece of one of my favorite memories from the last church I worked at.  I shared it with one of my co-workers who thought it was so funny that she called the ENTIRE staff into her office to see it.  Unfortunately, she had been laughing so hard during her first viewing that she missed some of the lines in the skit.  That whole “Tucker wants me humpin’ his shoulder” bit was a little too…ummmmm…edgy for some of the pastoral staff.  Made for an awkward moment.
  • Retro Admiration for Moms in General - There is nothing moms love more than Mr. T rapping in short-shorts.
  • Best Star Wars Themed Tribute to Mom – Ok, so there aren’t that many Star Wars themed tributes to mothers.  And this one is really horrible.  But if your mom loves Star Wars, she might find it touching.  It’s also possible she might think you’re on drugs.

Renew and Restore

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